17 weeks!

I will be 17 weeks tomorrow and just started feeling movement the other day. What an amazing feeling! I'm so humbled to be able to finally have a child of my own. I never thought it would happen and to know that it is finally here just seems so amazing.When I can feel those little movements and when I hear the heartbeat it all seems so surreal to me. I don't think I can even express how thankful and in awe I am. It's so true that waiting for something makes it so much more special. I would've always been thankful for a baby, but after waiting several years it makes every little detail so much sweeter.

Don't get me wrong, I have had morning sickness and several other things that aren't pleasant, but it is all worth it! I am thankful after a pretty rough time with morning sickness to now be past it at this point. My thyroid is being monitored frequently since the baby relies on my thyroid hormones to grow and develop. At my appointment the month before last my t4 (what the baby uses that helps them to develop properly) was a little lower than they liked so they checked my levels again at my last appointment. They had dropped even lower than before so my doctor increased my medicine and will recheck my levels again. It's hard not to stress over it, but my t4 isn't extremely low so that helps. It's always hard to know everything isn't perfectly where it should be, but I know God is taking care of our little one and I'm thankful my doctor is staying on top of everything. We knew with my thyroid issues this would be the way pregnancy would go, but with the first baby and not knowing what to expect it can be hard at times not to worry. I'm just so thankful to have had an uneventful pregnancy so far and a healthy little one. Being able to feel them move is so comforting and I'm so excited for this stage of pregnancy. We had an ultrasound around 10 weeks and the ultrasound tech had a hard time getting a good picture of our baby because he/she was so active! She said we have a little one who loves to move so I'm sure before too long I will feel them moving all the time!

We find out in a little over a week if we are having a boy or a girl and I can't wait! The closer it gets the more impatient I am becoming.  I haven't really bought anything yet because I was waiting to find out the gender. I plan on doing a little shopping right after my ultrasound! I have avoided baby sections most of the time because I don't want to be tempted to buy things. A few weeks ago Bobby and I were in Walmart and I had gone to get something from a different part of the store than where Bobby was. On the way back I thought I would ask Bobby if he wanted to go look at baby stuff since we really hadn't in a while. As I turned the corner I saw that he was already walking out of the baby section with a few outfits that he wanted to show me. I think it is safe to say he is just as ready as I am to start getting stuff! I would appreciate prayers that my t4 will have increased some at my next appointment. I am still feeling very tired and having other hypothyroid symptoms so I am thinking they may have to increase my medicine again, so just pray my levels get to the right point soon!

Answered Prayer...

Let me start by saying...God is good!!! After almost 5 years of being unable to get pregnant my husband and I now have a little one on the way! I'm due in June, probably late June, but we aren't 100% sure yet. I just had to start with that, yes!!!! Now, a little back-story...

I didn't end up going to the endocrinologist for my ultrasound because both of my grandparents ended up in the hospital that week within 24 hours of each other. I just decided to cancel and reschedule for a later time, but I still hadn't gotten around to setting up a new appointment. I had been off my thyroid medicine (like the endocrinologist wanted) and felt miserable. I lasted about a month and started it back again because I was tired of being tired quite honestly. I hadn't had thyroid labs done in probably 4-5 months and had no idea where my levels where. But I was tired of thinking about it all so it didn't bother me. All I have been taking was my low-dose naltrexone and my thyroid medicine for the past month. I had kinda decided that maybe Bobby and I would be childless forever and go travel the world or something, I was ok with that. I thought, it's not MY plan, but if it's God's plan then He knows best.

Almost three weeks ago I had been sooo tired all week. To the point I just couldn't stay awake, but I had been taking my thyroid medicine so I didn't know what the deal was. Well by that Thursday I was still so exhausted and we were having a birthday dinner for my father-in-law. I knew I wasn't pregnant, it was me after all! But I thought why not test to be sure? After all, it would be a great birthday gift! So I bought the test, came home, took it. I looked at  it a few minutes later and...two pink lines??? What?!?! I immediately thought the test must be faulty (I even double checked to make sure I didn't buy an ovulation test on accident...nope!) I showed it to Bobby, yep he saw it too. We both didn't believe it, so I took another...also positive. Did we believe both tests? No way! We went to town and bought a third test (also positive)  before it finally sort of started sinking in. We were pregnant!!!!! But it still felt too good to be true so my sweet hubby woke up at 4:30 the next morning and went to Wal-Mart. He bought 3 different brands on tests and woke me up to take them. Yes, I took all 3 brands at the same time to be extra sure (we are insane, I realize) and when all 3 of those showed positive we finally started getting excited!!

My thyroid can be an issue during pregnancy and increase the risk of things going wrong, if we don't keep an eye on my levels. From what I've read as long as we monitor it everything should be fine. So we immediately started having blood work done. I wanted to wait to post until after we had my thyroid levels checked and made sure my hcg levels were doubling like they should. I'm happy to say that everything looks healthy thus far, my hcg levels are doubling even quicker than that's considered "normal" and my thyroid test came back with my levels at a good point. One of the most exciting things to me (other than having a baby) was to see that my thyroid antibodies are decreasing! This has always been the goal and with my latest labs both of the thyroid antibodies have decreased by half or more! Considering that they were going up every month I had labs done this is a huge answer to prayer. I have to say I truly believe it was the combination of taking Armour thyroid and my low-dose naltrexone. Probably more so the naltrexone, since that's the only thing I've changed since the decrease has started. I highly recommend it to those with autoimmune issues and I'm so thankful I have a doctor who was willing to try it and willing to work with me on my thyroid. The combination of that and the Mercier Therapy that I do is what has helped me to get healthier and to heal my body. I know God led me to Stephanie Mallet (my thyroid doctor) and Karen Miller (my Mercier Therapist) to help me on the path to having children. I will never be able to thank them enough for being such caring people and having amazing hearts. I know God is using them and I know my family is thankful for the help they've given us.

We would appreciate everyone's prayers that the baby continues to stay healthy. I have my first ob appointment this Thursday and we are going to see if we need to see a high-risk doctor to monitor my thyroid levels throughout the pregnancy. We know there are no guarantees, but we believe life begins at conception and we are going to enjoy this little life that God has entrusted us with as long as He allows and we aren't going to live in fear of the "what-ifs." I know in my heart God can keep myself and my child healthy. So far everything has been wonderful (yes there is morning sickness and other things, but I don't care because it reminds me that I'm finally pregnant, something I wasn't sure would ever happen) and I'm just so thankful. So, so thankful to be allowed to experience one of the best things in life. We are also thankful that everything is going well and all of my blood work has come back good. Since we weren't really monitoring anything and I just started back my medicine not too long before I got pregnant things could've been bad, but God has been in control and watching over us and our little one.

I would also like to encourage those who are still trying for a baby, we waited almost 5 years, with many prayers and tears and many times of feeling like giving up. Please take encouragement from this and don't lose hope! You are in my prayers and my heart aches for you to be blessed with a little one someday soon.

You Can't Always Get What You Want...

I have been so busy lately that I haven't had time to update my blog. I hope everyone is doing well! I finally had my long awaited endocrinologist appointment Wednesday. I had been nervous about the appointment after talking to other women with Hashimoto's about their endocrinologist appointments.  I honestly wasn't expecting it to go the best, but I was still hopeful that I would be wrong. I had my husband there with me for moral support and I'm so thankful he went with me! The doctor was very nice and polite, but he immediately questioned why I was taking the type of medicine I was...red flag for me. I thought great, this isn't going to go well. And it didn't. By the end of it I was trying not to cry in front of a complete stranger...my sweet husband noticed and didn't miss a beat, he just took over asking questions for me. 

To try not to bore you with all of the medical terms, he pretty much told me I don't need to take my medicine anymore. He also said that I can do absolutely nothing to help lower my continuously increasing antibody levels (the antibodies are what are attacking and killing off my thyroid) and I just have to let it happen. It was very very frustrating to me because I have known people who have had much higher thyroid antibody levels than I do and they have decreased their levels to a normal range (anything less than 40 is normal.) At my last labs my levels were close to 400, but I've known people with levels in the 800's that have gotten them below 40, so you can't tell me it can't be done! I knew I was fighting a losing battle with him, so I just sat there and listened until he was done talking about it all. I figured if I could at least get an ultrasound from the visit then that was the main reason I went anyways. So I asked him if we could do an ultrasound to check for cysts and just to look at my thyroid. He said we could (yay!!!) but I needed to stop my thyroid medicine and come back in 2-3 months for bloodwork and an ultrasound. He also told me there was nothing I could do to help my autoimmune problem and because I already had one autoimmune disease it was likely for me to have another.

That's when the tears began. Frustration mainly. I waited 6 months to get in to a doctor...6 months of having nothing to do to try to help my Hashimoto's but wait for my appointment and hope they had good news for me. Now he was telling me there was no good news and I had to wait another 2-3 months to get the ultrasound that I had already waited 6 months for. I wanted to scream. So, here's to waiting a few more months to find out anything new! I felt like my husband and I wasted time and money going up there, but that is the way it is sometimes. I feel bad that my regular doctor tried really hard to find me a endocrinologist who would fit well with the treatment we are doing and it didn't turn out that way. But at least I can help other patients to weed out the doctors who aren't going to help them the way they need. One positive thing is I am getting my ultrasound at least!

My husband and I would appreciate prayers very much. The doctor brought up the fact that we need to see a reproductive endocrinologist (which is often expensive) so we have lots of things to think on and to decide. Of course, we have been trying for almost 5 years so we knew we probably needed to see an RE, but when a doctor tells you that in the context of it being your only hope it's tough to hear. The frustrating thing is that we have had most of the fertility tests done and the only thing that's been an issue is my autoimmune disease. When you have a specialist tell you that isn't the problem (which isn't what my doctor or my research tells me) and you can't fix it even if it were it feels like you've hit a brick wall! I found this and it made me laugh so I thought I would share, but it's also so true!

Where do you go when the specialist says there's nothing to do? I find that's when it's time for me to start reading and learning and figuring out what I can do to make myself better. I know some may not agree with that statement, and they believe a doctor is the final say, but I don't believe that. I know God is in control of my situation and my body. I also know He's given me the desire and love of research and learning and I'm going to use those to my advantage! I think anybody who's ever been in a situation where what a doctor is telling you just isn't working for you, or what you believe to be true, understands where I'm at. You can go to 10 different doctors and get 10 different answers on the same subject! One of the books I've read about Hashimoto's talks about finding out what caused your body to begin attacking itself in the first place. It can be several things, food allergies, (think gluten, dairy, and other things) an infection, and nutritional deficiencies. There's a list of several things I just can't remember them all now. There are many tests you can have done to check for infections, parasites, food allergies, and other things. I am hoping I can begin to get tested for each of these things. If I can figure out what's causing my body to attack my thyroid maybe I can eliminate it and reduce my antibodies. Hopefully if I can figure it out for myself I can help others who may have the same issues that I've had.

Back on the Wagon....

So I had officially fallen off the gluten free bandwagon for quite some time. Why? Because gluten is in everything! I can't really eat anywhere but at home unless I know for sure what I'm eating doesn't have any gluten and that's tough to do if you aren't the one cooking it. I felt soooo much better while I was off of it though so it was really just common sense that I needed to avoid it. I got busy and just never got back to it until last week. I had been doing a lot of reading about autoimmune diseases and infertility and gluten. Everywhere I looked for resources to help with my Hashimoto's kept saying avoid gluten (dairy too, but I love cheese, so one thing at a time.) There is very little that I have control over with Hashimoto's and infertility, but the one thing I can control is what I eat. I decided I can't really be upset that I'm not getting better (or pregnant) if I'm not doing everything that I need to do to make it happen. I would love to share my gluten free recipes to help those who are also trying to avoid gluten! Here is my dinner meal plan for this week:

Monday: No Crust Pizza Bites

Tuesday: Crockpot Cilantro Lime Chicken with Roasted Garlic Cauliflower

Wednesday: Ranch Chicken and Potato Casserole

Thursday: Cilantro Lime Shrimp with rice

Friday: Mini Taco Bites with refried beans

We tried the pizza bites tonight, my husband really liked them. I thought they were alright, but not my favorite. I'm hopeful the other recipes will be really good!

I'm trying to focus on changing my diet and a few other things while we are waiting on my endocrinologist appointment. At least it helps me feel like I'm working on something since it will be about 6 months of waiting to see the endocrinologist to find out if there is anything else we need to address with my thyroid. I hadn't taken the LDN for about a month because I wasn't sure it was doing much for me as far as helping me feel better. About 2 or 3 weeks of not taking it and I realized it had been helping more than I thought, so I'm back on it now. Another thing I have been taking is something that was recommended to me by a doctor called Wobenzyme N. It is said to help with infertility and to reduce thyroid antibodies. Here is information on how it helps the thyroid and Here is information on it and infertility.

I was talking with a friend the other day who also hasn't been able to get pregnant and we were both saying how we often "think" we are fine with not having kids, we have worked through it and accepted it and are just deciding to enjoy life. And that's true 90% of the tine, but then something comes up (pregnancy announcements, babies born, whatever it may be) and you realize that you aren't 100% fine with it like you thought. It's hard because it really is a rollercoaster of emotions. Sometimes a pregnancy announcement doesn't bother me one bit, other times it does. I have had a harder time lately mainly because I've talked with people who have the same issues as me and have been trying longer than us and they still aren't pregnant. It was a dose of reality for me. I felt like maybe I just needed to accept it and let the whole thing go. I went to my husband with my pity party speech, "so and so never had kids, we might just need to accept we won't" and so on. Well God picked the perfect man for me, after 4 1/2 years he is still so positive and optimistist about all of this. And the thing is, he means it. I'm so thankful for his positive reassurance during times like that. He of course told me he understood why I was saying that, but he could still choose to believe God will give us kids. Love that man.

He got me to thinking though (like normal) that having kids of our own is something I'm also not ready to give up on either. It's something I'm willing to keep fighting for, so that's what I'll do. I've been doing lots of reading about ways to help my immune system which seems to be the main cause of my infertility. The biggest thing that has been proven to help is diet, and also some supplements (one being Wobenzyme.) I would appreciate your prayers that I will be able to stick with it. I am praying that these changes will help me to have lowered thyroid antibodies at my next labs so please pray with me on this too. I know we serve a God who performs miracles and I am praying He will heal my body, but I also know I have to do my part. I choose to keep believing God will give us children.

Hebrews 11:11
Through faith also Sara herself received strength to conceive seed, and was delivered of a child when she was past age, because she judged him faithful who had promised.

It's a Waiting Game

I haven't updated lately mainly because I haven't had anything good to update with! It's been a rough month or so with trying to get everything straightened out.

About a month or so ago I was having pretty bad hyperthyroid symptoms so I had my doctor run labs on me. I was really hopeful it was the LDN I was taking lowering my thyroid antibodies meaning I needed less thyroid medicine. I got my results back and both of my antibodies were higher than they've ever been....sigh. So the hyperthyroid symptoms were just from my body attacking my thyroid and probably my low tsh. I was pretty down about it, but I had been waiting for my endocrinologist appointment for a few months and it was getting close. I figured I would just try to focus on that. I will admit I had read reviews on the doctor I was suppose to see and I was nervous. From what I read I didn't think he would do much for me. After waiting three months for appointment I knew if I showed up and he did nothing I would probably start crying in his office. I felt like there was no other choice but to take this next step so I just tried to prepare myself.

God always takes care of things though because last week my doctor's office called me and said they wanted to cancel my appointment with that endocrinologist. They had other patients go to him and they weren't impressed. My first thought was relief because I was already dreading going to him and what my doctor's office said just confirmed what I was feeling. My next thought, frustration. Not at my doctor by any means, but I had waited about 2 1/2 months already with nothing to do to help myself in the meantime and I'm a fixer, so that is hard for me. I dint do well sitting and waiting and I knew it would probably take another 2 or 3 months to get an appointment with a different doctor. But I reminded myself the wait would be worth it for a decent endocrinologist. So the nurse I was talking with about a new endocrinologist recommended one and I said I was fine with that. I have to give my doctor and her staff tons of thanks and credit because they ended up calling me back that same day saying someone had come in and complained about the second endocrinologist they suggested so they didn't feel I should go to him either. They called several offices and did a lot to make sure I found a good one. We went through several different doctors, but today I finally got an appointment with one that was recommended to me by someone we know. So I go August 6th to see the endocrinologist now. Its tough to have to wait about 6 months to even know what the next step will be, but I know it's better this way. I know some of you may think 6 months is no big deal, but we are coming up on 4 1/2 years of no pregnancy so waiting that much longer feels like forever. We would appreciate your prayers in this!

I have such mixed feelings about the whole thing. I talk to several people who have Hashimoto's and they say you can most definitely get pregnant with elevated antibodies, as long as your free t's (thyroid hormones) are optimal. Mine have been for a few months and since my hormones have finally started to straighten out, but still no pregnancy. Then my mind wants to kick into worry-mode, "maybe there's something else we are missing?" It's hard not to think that thought, but if there is I don't know what it would be anyways, so I can't do much about it! So we just kinda go with the laid back approach. After this many years is there any other way to be about it but laid back? Nope. We have discussed fostering and even adoption. Bobby is all for adoption, but we would prefer to adopt an infant and that just doesn't happen without great expense. So we have discussed foster/adoption through a program called The C.A.L.L. We went to their information class a few months ago and we were very impressed. Its a Christian organization and I would highly recommend checking out their website if you're at all interested in foster/adoption.We would also appreciate prayers for wisdom on what to do with all that we have going on and what will be coming up in the next few months!

The Good, The Bad...

So I have been on my new medicine LDN for a little over a month now, not too long at all. I had labs drawn last week to see if it was making any improvements on my antibody levels. Before I took the labs I had talked with people who have Hashimoto's and take LDN, they told me not to expect any changes the first month, especially since I was on such a low dose. They said it would take probably 2-3 months to see any difference on my labs. Every month that I have been checked my antibodies have always gone up, so I figured if it went up again this month it wasn't a big deal, I just have to give the medicine time to work. I will say I can tell it's working because I haven't been as tired, or forgetful. I didn't take it for several days in a row right before my labs because I ran out and I could feel the difference when I wasn't on it. So overall, I'm impressed with it so far.

I got my labs back today and my Tpo antibodies actually did decrease this month!! They didn't cut in half or anything, but seeing as they were going up each month, it's a small victory to me. Especially since I was told to expect zero results. The downside is my thyroglobulin antibodies did increase this month (boooo!) but I hadn't taken my LDN for about four days when I had labs drawn, and like I said,  I had just been on it for a month at a low dose, so I'm not discouraged at all about that. I do have an appointment with an endocrinologist in June, but I hope the LDN has shown more results by that point.

I took 1.5 mg last month, the goal dose is 4.5 mg. I went up to 3 mg for this next month (started it last Monday) and I want to see where I'm at after being on that dose for  a few more weeks, then increase to the 4.5 mg. I have seen improvement in symptoms going  up to 3 mg and I hope it just gets better! So the good results, one of my antibodies decreased, but one went up too...I don't count that as "bad" but I guess you could. I think seeing results of any kind so quickly is all the positive news I need after months of bad news!

I think it's really amazing to see God use a struggle you have to help others. It happens to me often  and it's what encourages me to keep going. To not give in, to always find another way. I think if I can help others get through the same struggles I've had then it's worth all the pain. Over the past several weeks I have had a few people contact me because they were recently diagnosed with thyroid issues. I am a reader/researcher by nature and I want to learn anything and everything I can about things that interest me. Over the past few months I have been reading books, websites, and talking to people about thyroid issues. I've learned a lot and I think it's so humbling to be able to use a difficulty in your own life to get others the help they need. Many of them struggle with infertility, what an amazing thought to know God used me to help someone accomplish their dreams of having a family. He wants to use all of us for something. To help others in some way, it may not be the same way as I can help someone, but that's why we each have our own unique story. As long as we have the right attitude and we look for those opportunities I believe God will always use us!

I heard this verse Sunday in church and it's one of my favorites. It went right along with what I've been focusing on lately too.

Jude 22 "And of some having compassion, making a difference."

Infertility Etiquette (Part Three)

Well I really had plans to write this last part a lot sooner, but life happens. It actually worked out well anyways since this week is National Infertility Awareness week. What better time to let everyone know what you CAN do for those with infertility than now!

I saw something about the different "stages" of infertility and what these people need at each stage. I loved it so I have to share!

Stage 1- The Infertility Newbie- They are the optimist, they don't need a lot of support in their journey at this time. They believe the problem is temporary and will get resolved soon. They don’t feel broken, different, or an outcast. 

Stage 2- Long Term Infertile- They are very tricky and must be handled with great caution. This person feels alienated from society and carries great pain and angst in their souls. They might not show it all the time, but there is a very sensitive, raw spot in their souls that is easily bruised. 

Stage 3- Old Timers- They have been doing this so long it just becomes part of who they are. These infertiles have gone through the great angst and intense pain of the ‘dark years’ and have come out realizing that while infertility sucks, it is not all consuming. And instead of crying, they laugh. Because infertility is actually a comedy of errors, sometimes.

I can honestly say this is so accurate! I am to that "stage 3" of it all, but I still remember that raw, wounded feeling about halfway through and the naive feeling of the first year or so that we were trying. That middle stage is the hardest. If  you've been there you know exactly what I'm talking about, no explanation needed. If you haven't I say count yourself blessed. My friend just had a baby the other day (and he's perfect, by the way!) and it got me thinking..what if I could've never gone through any of this, just had kids right away, any time I wanted to? Would I want that? I know it may sound crazy, but I honestly decided that no, I wouldn't change any of it. I really do mean that.  I have grown so much and learned so much more compassion than I would have had otherwise.  I have learned how my smallest action, or passing comment can hurt others unintentionally. Plus, I believe we aren't as likely to take things for granted that we have to struggle and fight for. It's good when something comes easy, but when it's tough, that's where the real blessings are. With that said, here's what I say you can do for those friends/loved ones going through infertility.



1. Educate yourself. And not so you can suggest the latest fertility tips to them (ha!) Find out what infertility issues they are having and read up on them. This will help you to be able to show genuine interest and ask relevant questions. I'm not saying you have to spend days studying, but many of my friends have learned the basics of my thyroid and other fertility issues. They can ask questions about my levels and not be bored by my response because they have taken the time to learn what all of the "terms" mean. The fact that they think enough of me to learn about it means a lot to me. 

2. Let them know you care. Send cards, tell them you are praying for them, whatever it is that you can think of. My friend got me a picture frame with an ultrasound picture of her baby, the frame said "believe" on it. She wrote a note to me about how she couldn't wait until the day I replace it with my own child's ultrasound picture. Another friend knew I was having a bad day and brought me a card and my favorite drink. Those things made my day. It doesn't have to be anything big, just let them know you are thinking of them and praying. Most importantly, be positive! 

3. Remember them on holidays. This includes Mother's Day and Father's Day, but really it's any holiday. Holidays are always centered around family and it can be a painful reminder to couple about the children they don't have. Also, baby showers/births can be very tough for women to attend. Let them know you are thinking of them during these times. 

4. Provide Support. Be positive and supportive about their decisions. Refrain from being critical, you never know what you would do in their situation! Offer to drive them to doctor's appointments if they need it, ask if you can help out with anything, tell them you are there to listen anytime they need to talk. I was wanting to have a pity-party for myself the other day and I felt guilty for it, I messaged my friend and told her I was having a rough day. I told her I was feeling sorry for myself but I knew I shouldn't. You know, she told me that I have the right to struggle and feel bad and I need to work through it. She told me that she would have a pity-party with me and she would bring the chips and dip to the party. I laughed (which helped my mood) and I had a good cry and vented to her. It lasted maybe 10 minutes and it was over. I felt better and I had a new perspective. To me, that's the best support a person can get! 

5. Validate. When they do talk to you about their struggles, or negative emotions validate that what they are going through is serious. Don't brush it aside, or give some vague reassurance. Let them know you understand why they are having a hard time and that it must not be easy. If you brush off their feelings they most likely won't confide in you anymore. Even if you haven't gone through infertility and you can't empathize at least validate their situation. Also, "keep the faith" when they can't. If they are struggling with doubt and fear, that is your time to be bold and believing. They need to know someone is in their corner rooting for them, believing they will have children of their own.

6. Ask. Above all else, ask what they need. Every woman is different and they don't all need the same thing. Get with them privately and let them know you really want to be there for them, but you need help knowing what they need you to do. They will gladly tell you!

Infertility Etiquette (Part Two)

This is part two of the post I started yesterday, Infertility Etiquette. I hope this doesn't come across as a bossy list of do's and don't's...it's not intended that way. I just want to try to reach out and make sure everyone understands how to help their loved ones who are dealing with infertility. Those who haven't had trouble getting pregnant often don't realize it, but infertility has emotional and social consequences that a person struggles with daily. Whether it may be holding a loved ones' new baby, attending a baby shower, or hearing a new pregnancy announcement...all of these things bring up emotions and struggles in an infertile couple. It is so important that we try to be sensitive to them and help them through this trial.

I am going to pick up where I left off on my last post:

7. Don't tell them they can always love other people's children instead. I have nephews and a niece whom I love sooo much. I love being their aunt. I also have friend's with children and I love their kids too. It is nice to be able to watch these kids who are in my life and it's easier for me to do that without my own kids, but watching someone else's kids will never take away the desire to have my own child. A part of my husband and myself. It just isn't the same. To those infertile couples I say take advantage of this extra time and be a blessing to the children in your lives and their parents. But to everyone else remember, they are still your kids, they call you mom and dad. They go home with you every night, it's not the same as having your own kids.

8. Remember them on Mother's Day. It is often such a busy day that we often don't think about those women who can't be a mom. I have to be pretty real here, I dread this day. I mean really dread it. And it never fails, I always start my period on Mother's Day. Seriously?! What a great reminder that you are not a mom...ha. We always have a special time at church to honor all the Mother's and rightfully so. They deserve the special time for all their hard work and dedication, but its tough on those who don't have kids (not by their own choice.) It's one of those days that is a painful reminder and makes you feel excluded. I'm not saying Mothers shouldn't be noticed on this day, they should! Just don't get too busy to forget about those hurting. I also think about those who are single or have had miscarriages on this day too. Try to do a little something to let them know they aren't forgotten.

9. Be sensitive when you find out you're expecting. It's not that they aren't happy for you to be having another child...it's one of those happy for you, sad for me moments. So please handle it with care. The best thing you can do for them is tell them yourself and tell them privately, but be compassionate. Then give them space to have their own reaction and work through it. They need that. I can assure you that they feel guilty for feeling upset/jealous or whatever they feel and they don't need a crowd watching them work through those emotions. Please don't put your friend in that position. I have friends who are seriously so considerate. And I love them for it, really. They will send me a text or tell me privately and I can just tell the compassion and understanding they have towards me and it helps me so much. They know I love them and I'm happy for them, but they also know this kind of news can be tough. The fact that they specifically think of me and my feelings means so much to me. Please, please do this for your friends, I can't put enough emphasis on this.

10. Don't be critical of how they handle things. It is so true that we have no clue how we would react if we were placed in a situation. I have learned I may think I would react a certain way, until I'm in that situation and that's not typically how it goes. Infertility is an emotional roller coaster. Women will go through feeling hopeful, hopeless, jealous, angry, and just plain hormonal. If you add fertility medications on top of that..oh boy. Try to be patient. Maybe you don't get why they had such a hard time attending a baby shower or coming up to see your new baby at the hospital. If you haven't had infertility problems you can't understand and that's OK...trust me, we don't wish for you to know what it feels like. But remember, I said it's a grieving process, an emotional roller coaster. How would you treat someone who had just lost a loved one? You would have grace and understanding. You would expect that they would be going through many different emotions and you would be fine with it. It really is no different. If they decide to do treatments or decide to adopt, quit trying, struggle with feelings of anger, or feeling down, whatever it is and you don't agree, please hold your tongue. Until you walk that road you just don't know what you would do. Please don't add your doubts and criticism to their already fragile emotions. Love them through it and most importantly pray for them. Also don't talk to others about your opinion on their actions and decisions. How uncomfortable to know that your private life is the hot topic of your family and friends. Nothing will isolate a person faster than that! The general rule of "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all" applies here.

11. Don't give advice (unless asked.) If it took you two months to get pregnant and you're giving advice to a friend who has been trying for 2 or 3 years, they are probably secretly wanting to strangle you. Not really, but I can tell you what's going through their mind might not be pretty. It's not that they don't appreciate your advice it's just that more than likely at that point they know more about the female reproductive system than you ever dreamed possible and they have probably tried everything! I know everyone wants to help and they mean well, but how much does a new mom REALLY like hearing everyone and their sister's opinion on her parenting/newborn? Not too well... When our reproductive systems are open to discussion and tips without our consent it's just not a fun time! Now if a person comes to you wanting to talk and asking for advice by all means go for it! But shouting out at the dinner table "have you tried such and such, my sister did that and got pregnant!" Well, it's just not a good idea. Trust me on this.

These are the main things I think of that by avoiding them, you can really help your infertile friends. On Part Three we will go over what you CAN do to support them.

Infertility Etiquette (Part One)

Almost everyone knows someone who is struggling with infertility whether they realize it or not. For several years I wasn't public with the fact that we were having problems, sure those who knew me well knew that we were, but I wasn't writing about it for all to read. :) We all know people who may be open about their infertility and others may be struggling and we have no clue. This post is for those couples...I told my husband if I can't help those around me understand how HARD infertility is and to help them to be more sensitive to the people they know with infertility, then we've gone through all this and missed it. Failed at a big part of how we can make a difference. 

Infertility Etiquette (Part One)

I am going to steal a little portion from www.resolve.org because I think it sums up what I'm wanting to say better than I can write it.

Infertility is, indeed, a very painful struggle. The pain is similar to the grief over losing a loved one, but it is unique because it is a recurring grief. When a loved one dies, he isn't coming back. There is no hope that he will come back from the dead. You must work through the stages of grief, accept that you will never see this person again, and move on with your life.

The grief of infertility is not so cut and dry. Infertile people grieve the loss of the baby that they may never know. They grieve the loss of that baby who would have had mommy's nose and daddy's eyes. But, each month, there is the hope that maybe that baby will be conceived after all. No matter how hard they try to prepare themselves for bad news, they still hope that this month will be different. Then, the bad news comes again, and the grief washes over the infertile couple anew. This process happens month after month, year after year. It is like having a deep cut that keeps getting opened right when it starts to heal.

As the couple moves into infertility treatments, the pain increases while the bank account depletes. The tests are invasive and embarrassing to both parties and for all of this discomfort, you pay a lot of money.

A couple will eventually resolve the infertility problem in one of three ways:

• They will eventually conceive a baby.
• They will stop the infertility treatments and choose to live without children.
• They will find an alternative way to parent, such as by adopting a child or becoming a foster parent.

Reaching a resolution can take years, so your infertile loved ones need your emotional support during this journey. Most people don't know what to say, so they wind up saying the wrong thing, which only makes the journey so much harder for their loved ones. Knowing what not to say is half of the battle to providing support.

 I will say that all of these things that I'm going to go over haven't happened to me. Some have, and others have happened to people I know.

1. Don't tell them to relax and it will happen. I've touched on this before in another post. Infertility is most commonly a medical condition. Just like relaxing doesn't cure cancer, it also doesn't cure infertility. I know there are those few people who are just too high strung and maybe that is their issue, but find ways to help them relax instead of telling them to relax. Telling them will only stress them out more.
2. Don't talk or complain about how fertile you are. Some of you would never dream of saying this to someone you know with infertility, but I've heard it many times. And again, what about those who aren't open about their infertility? You may not know if someone around you has infertility issues so please be mindful of what you say and to who you say it to. We are happy for you that you are so fertile and while we're sure you're just trying to make conversation, please don't say this. It's like those people who complain that they're too skinny and can eat whatever they want and just CAN'T seem to gain weight. If that girl wants to complain to her fellow "so skinny, can't gain weight" friends then I say good for her, but other people just don't love hearing about it. It's the same way with infertility, we are happy you're so fertile, but its kinda a painful reminder that we aren't.
3. Don't minimize the problem. I can't tell you how many well-intentioned people have said things like "oh it's no big deal, it will happen eventually" or "be glad you can sleep in, don't have stretch marks etc" or "you can take my kid for the day, you might change your mind." I know people often don't know what to say so they say things like this, but these comments are anything but comforting. That's what this post is for..to help you know what every infertile couple thinks, but is often afraid to say. These comments make an infertile couple feel like their struggles aren't a big deal. That isn't what a person needs. They need your support and encouragement and they need to know you see this as a valid issue. Oftentimes it's a health problem that affects more than just fertility and it should be taken seriously. 
4. Don't say they aren't meant to be parents. Just don't. It's like you're implying there's some secret criteria to be qualified to be a parent. I have wanted to be a mom since I was young as I'm sure others have too so saying we weren't meant to be parents is hurtful. I believe the Lord has perfect timing and I also believe He gave me a desire to be a mom.
5. Don't complain about your pregnancy to them. I know pregnancy is hard on a woman's body and it can be uncomfortable. If you want to talk about the many woes of pregnancy, go ahead. Just don't do it to a friend who can't get pregnant. I can assure you they would do anything (and have probably endured many things) to be in your shoes. They would gladly be throwing up if it meant they had a baby on the way. My friend is expecting and she told me she was privately complaining to her husband about something pregnancy related and he told her something to the effect of "I bet Ashley would love to have that!" (obviously I don't want whatever the issue was, but the baby that caused it!") My friend said she started crying because she knew he was right and that she needed to just be thankful. 
6. Don't suggest adoption or giving up. It is a very personal thing to decide to give up on having your own children. It takes time for a couple to reach that point and not everyone reaches it at the same time. We are not to that point yet, but I've heard many people say its a grieving process and I'm sure that's true. When people start mentioning adoption or giving up before you are at that point it is very discouraging. I have been there. You know that is others' way of saying THEY don't think it's going to happen. Please don't do that to a person, let them reach that point on their own. It's hard to continue on when you feel like others have given up. Support and encouragement is vital. I will never, ever forget those people who have told me that they are praying and they know we are going to have kids. If I could hug those people a hundred times I would! Someone going through infertility needs more people like that. They have their own doubts and concerns weighing them down, please don't add yours to it. I will say once a couple has reached the point of adoption/quitting that is the time to step in and show your support in this area.

Thyroid, Thyroid!

I just wanted to post a quick update that might help any of you guys that have thyroid issues. I was reading this tonight and I realized how accurate a lot of this has been for me in this short time I've been working on my thyroid issues. It comes from the "Stop the Thyroid Madness" website. I really like this website because it has a lot of information from real people with thyroid problems, and what they've learned along the way. I always value and respect a doctor's opinion and find it very important, but I also know that each body is made up differently. We can't always fit into one set treatment or regimen. Here's the article:

18 Mistakes Patients Make (or their Doctors make for them!)

Over the years, a lot of mistakes have been made, and learned from, in the treatment of our hypothyroid state and all our related conditions.

And these mistakes ended up with either continued problems, or issues which eventually got worse as time went by. 

Below are the most common mistakes patients, or their doctors, make when a switch has been made to desiccated natural thyroid (NDT)…or when you are working to improve your hypothyroid state.  It’s all based on our experiences.

Can you find yourself below? Share these with your doctor! 

1. STICKING WITH TOO LOW A DOSE. For a myriad of reasons, this happens often and will make you feel even more hypo due to feedback loop suppression. Have one of these been true of you?
   a) being held on a starting dose longer than two weeks (such as one grain, 1 1/2 grains or less)
   b) being bound by the directives of a TSH-obsessed doctor. The TSH lab test only keeps you sick.
   c) failing to get a raise of desiccated thyroid until the “next labwork”, which can be weeks and months away
   d) following an inaccurate Synthroid-to-Armour type conversion equivalence chart.
   e) being afraid to go higher!
2. BEING ON AN OPTIMAL DOSE and FEELING GREAT, BUT BEING LOWERED DUE TO THE TSH LAB RANGE Similar to #2 above, this is the person who made his/her way up to an optimal dose which was working well, but having the dose lowered by a doctor who saw your suppressed TSH (i.e. below the range). This is doctor who thinks that ink spots on a piece of paper tell the truth more than your symptoms! When on an optimal dose of desiccated thyroid (or being very near), you WILL have a suppressed TSH without being hyper. (If you do feel hyper, see #3 below)
3. THINKING NATURAL DESICCATED THYROID DOESN’T WORK BECAUSE YOU FEEL WORSE!  In reality, what natural desiccated thyroid does is “reveal” two certain problems:  adrenal insufficiency or low iron (both common in patients who’ve remained undiagnosed for years or were poorly treated on T4-only medications). You might find yourself with a high FT3 lab result with continuing hypothyroid symptoms (T3 pools rather than gets to your cells). Or experiencing anxiety, shakiness, fast heart rate, or other problems while on NDT.
4. FAILING TO MULTI-DOSE Occasionally, some patients take their natural thyroid all at once in the morning and say they do fine. But, most individuals report better results by dosing at least twice a day. For example, a person on 3 1/2 grains might take 2 grains in the morning, and 1 1/2 grains by early or mid-afternoon. Multi-dosing better imitates what your own thyroid would be doing, and gives you the direct T3 throughout the day when you most need it.
5. SWALLOWING NATURAL THYROID WITH ESTROGEN, CALCIUM or IRON. Estrogen, calcium and iron bind some of the thyroid hormones and makes them unusable, we’ve learned the hard way! So, it’s wise to avoid swallowing these at the same time you swallow your natural thyroid.
6. TAKING DESICCATED THYROID BEFORE DOING LABWORK  Bad idea! T3 starts moving up after you take desiccated thyroid, giving a false high serum result. And your doctor freaks out when he sees the lab result, and directs you to lower your thyroid. Patients have learned to take their normal desiccated thyroid the day before, then do labs the next morning.
7. STAYING ON A STARTING DOSE TOO LONG (same as #1 above). The key to understanding this mistake is with the word “starting dose”, which for many, is one grain. Starting doses help your body adjust to the direct T3. But if a necessary starting dose is held too long (from two weeks to several weeks) there’s a normal suppression of the feedback loop between the hypothalamus, pituitary and thyroid gland, i.e less messenger hormones are released, making you even more hypothyroid than you began (plus you may experience the results of extra adrenaline).
8. THINKING DESICCATED THYROID IS NOT WORKING WHEN A PROBLEM ARISES (OUTSIDE OF ONE’S ADRENALS OR IRON).  Desiccated thyroid contains direct T3, and the T3 can initially aggravate certain conditions. When this happens, doctors have had patients stop the increase of their desiccated thyroid, or decreased it to give the reaction time to go away. An example is Mitral Valve Prolapse–one patient noted that with each raise, she had palps. But they went away within the first 5 days after each raise. One gal got itchy when she got on desiccated thyroid, and was so determined to blame Armour that she got off, got back on Synthroid, and is STILL itchy.
9. “GUESSING” YOU HAVE AN ADRENAL PROBLEM and ACTING ON THAT GUESS…and/or prescribing HC when you may not need it, and/or starting on too low a dose if you do need HC: Symptoms of high cortisol can be very similar to symptoms of low, patients have learned the hard way. So it’s important to find out the right way with a24 hour adrenal saliva test, which you can order on your own, if needed, and then share the results with your doctor. See #10 below on how to read those results.
10. THINKING BEING IN A NORMAL RANGE MEANS YOU ARE DOING GREAT:  To the contrary, patients figured out that it’s where you fall in the erroneous range, not the fact that you fall in it. Learn how to read lab results.
11. STAYING ON YOUR T4 AS YOU RAISE NDT:  Most patients report that they do perfectly fine on desiccated thyroid alone, especially when they have taken the time to raise and find their optimal dose. But a mistake can be made if you keep up with the T4 you were once on–it will start converting to excess RT3 due to an excess. which in turn will start to make you more hypo. NDT is 80% T4 anyway!
12. GOING UP WITH DOSAGES WAY TOO FAST. This was observed a few years ago: a doctor put his patient on desiccated thyroid.  One grain, then 2 grains, 3 grains, 4 grains, 5 grains, then 6 grains. But the problem was that he did this within 4-5 weeks! OUCH. He started to find himself majorly overdosed with symptoms to match (high heart rate, sweating). He had to stop for a few weeks… then resume again at one grain and do it the right way–approx. 1/2 grain raise every two weeks, slowing down in the 2-3 grain area (and for some, slowing down on even lower amounts).
13. BELIEVING THAT DESICCATED THYROID IS “HARD TO REGULATE”. Totally and completely false. Patients have found nothing hard about desiccated thyroid. You simply raise it high enough to rid yourself of symptoms, which in turn gives you a free T3 towards the top of the range and a suppressed TSH. Believing that desiccated thyroid is hard to regulate is akin to believing that tricycles are hard to ride. 
14. THINKING THAT SYNTHETIC T4 ALONG WITH SYNTHETIC T3 IS JUST AS ADEQUATE AS NATURAL DESICCATED THYROID Adding synthetic T3 to your Synthroid or other T4 brands is definitely a step up from being on T4 alone! We applaud that addition. But….to say it’s equal to being on desiccated thyroid t’ain’t so. Too many patients who have been on the synthetic combo, and switched to desiccated thyroid, report that the results were even better. That’s impressive. Besides, with desiccated thyroid, you are getting exactly what your own thyroid gives you–T4, T3, T2, T1 and calcitonin. Makes a difference.
15. AVOIDING NDT BECAUSE YOU HAVE HASHIMOTO’S  Sadly, some doctors will state that those with Hashimoto’s should avoid NDT because it can increase the attack. It’s true that at first, antibodies raise, say patients. But the higher they raise, the lower antibodies become, as reported by many, probably due to a better immune system due to the T3! A large body of Hashi’s patients need to avoid gluten to get those antibodies down. Others use 200 – 400 mcg selenium to lower antibodies, while more difficult cases may need Low Dose Naltrexone. Many even report that their iodine use lowered their antibodies.Overall, Hashi’s patients have soared with NDT if they do it right,
16. THINKING YOU SHOULD TRY WHATEVER SOMEONE ELSE REPORTS IS WORKINGThe hardest part about patient groups is the wrong influence by one patient on another…and you don’t really know the full story about that individual!  For example, a patient may say that whatever she tried, NDT did NOT work and they are doing quite well again on T4 or another kind of combination. But what you may not know is that they never optimized their iron and/or cortisol levels to do well on NDT, for example, even if they state they did. Or, they might have an unusual cellular problem that you don’t have. NDT has worked for all-too-many as long as cortisol and low iron are optimized.
17. THINKING THAT IF YOU HAVE HIGH RT3 (or poor ratio), YOU NEED TO BE ON T3-ONLY. Since RT3 come from T4, patients were switching to T3-only to lower high levels. Soon though, patients discovered they could lower RT3 simply from lowering NDT. Some added T3 to the lowered amount of NDT, as well. We learned that you do NOT necessarily have to be on T3-only, which can be a rougher treatment. It’s individual.
18. THINKING YOUR DOCTOR KNOWS MORE THAN YOU DO. Granted, we have great respect for education, and we appreciate the knowledge that a medical school trained doctor brings to our health quest. It’s important! BUT… that education does NOT take away from our OWN knowledge and our OWN intuitive sense about our bodies… about what works, about what doesn’t work… no matter what that doctor says.

I hope some of you will find this useful! I am trying really hard to get back to a gluten free diet. I did really well on it for quite awhile and I felt amazing! It isnt easy to stick with and I got busy with work, but no excuses! Its time to get back to it. I may try some new recipes and post them soon if I like any of them. I have also started my new medicine and my higher dose of Armour...I'm feeling good on the Armour and a few side effects from the LDN. I have read they should straighten out in a few weeks and I'm willing to wait it out to see if this will help me. I appreciate prayers as always! 

http://www.stopthethyroidmadness.com/mistakes-patients-make/

Moving Forward

I saw this post tonight and I thought it was really good so I wanted to share. I really liked the part of having a " thick skin" throughout this process and how we don't go into it that way. I know I didn't! It took me quite a while to learn to ignore people's insensitive comments or actions, it's something that really upset me at one point in time. So for those who aren't to that "thick skin" point yet, I hope this can offer some help to you and to those who are involved in your life. Sometimes we just need a little insight from someone else.

Things Infertile Couples Want Others to Know

I met with my doctor today and I really just want to take a minute to brag on her. I've been to a couple doctors throughout the past three years and I really have liked them. But, I often found they had a set plan for what to do as far as treatment, and that's not a bad thing, except my body doesn't always respond to their plan. I am thankful that Stephanie will take the time to listen to me and to value what I am thinking. She is willing to think outside the box when a lot of doctors won't and I appreciate that because that's often what I need! For those with thyroid issues (and others issues for that matter) I highly recommend Stephanie Mallett! I am a research girl, I love to read and learn, I've talked with several people who say it is very hard to find someone who will take the right approach to treating Hashimoto's and Stephanie is one of those few. I know it was God's hand putting me at her office because I didn't even know I needed to be tested and I am so thankful!

Today we talked about how I am still having hypothyroid symptoms even though my tsh is low. I forgot to take my medicine for a few days so I doubled up on it for about 3 days and I felt amazing...I had energy, wasn't forgetful, just good overall. She agreed that I do need to be on a higher dose of Armour so will be increasing that. I had read that if you stay on a dose too low for you too long it can cause your antibodies to rise, so we are hopeful this dose increase will lower my antibodies. I would appreciate prayers for that!

I also talked with her about some medicine I had read about in a pharmacist's book who actually has Hashimoto's. It's called low-dose naltrexone. It is actually suppose to calm the immune system and shut off the part of the body that causes autoimmunity, which means it would also lower my antibodies. Stephanie agreed that as long as I'm up for it we will give it a shot. I'm hopeful we will see some improvement with the combination of this and my thyroid medicine increase before I see the endocrinologist in June. I will have labs drawn in about 4 weeks so please pray!

I had a friend message me Sunday night to tell me that she had felt led to ask for prayer for Bobby and I at her church that night and that everyone had prayed for me. It really touched me to know God had layed us on her heart and to know so many people are praying. I really can't thank everyone enough. God does hear and prayer does work! It was so funny because that night at my church our pastor had preached about claiming a promise of God by faith and to not doubt it. I thought about the rough few days we had before that and I just felt so encouraged to just keep believing and moving forward.

I have to be honest, I had a bit of a pity party for myself Thursday and Friday. I'm not proud of it, but it's the truth. I can't tell you how many times I have started feeling sorry for myself and God will remind me of someone else's situation that is much worse. I really do have so much to be thankful for. I have seriously the best husband. Hands down. And I have a wonderful family and friends. It's easy to feel sorry for ourselves and to want to give up, but I just want to encourage you to keep moving forward. God does have a plan and like I've said before, He will give us answers in His time. I can think of times when I felt like giving up, when I had no answers or clear direction about what to do, times when it seemed hopeless, but you just have to be patient and keep going. That is part of infertility, to keep praying and moving forward even when times are tough.

I will never forget the time frame that I realized a lot of people we know had basically given up on the idea of us having kids. They didn't all come out and say those exact words (though some did) but they knew we were trying and wouldn't ask questions anymore, or they would subtly mention adoption and things like that. It was really hard to take. I remember telling Bobby that I felt like everyone had given up on that idea and it was disheartening to realize WE were to that point, the point of people thinking we wouldn't have kids. Something I never would have imagined. I didn't blame those people, if it hadn't been me I might have though the same thing! It's times like those you really have a decision to make, it doesn't matter what others are thinking. Sure, they are entitled to their opinion, but this wasn't something that we were ready to give up on, and it still isn't. God can do anything and I do believe He will give me children! So I just want to encourage you, don't lose hope.

Lab Results

I got my lab results today and I appreciate everyone who has been praying! I almost didn't post today because it's been a rough day, but I want to be open and honest. Part of infertility is getting bad news and working through those times when they come.

The nurse called to tell me my antibodies keep rising, but my tsh is supressed. I'm not 100% certain, but from what I've read I'm thinking this means my doctor can't keep increasing my thyroid medicine since my tsh is so low, it would drop it even lower. But it also means the medicine isn't lowering my antibodies, so we are at a standstill. She said that my doctor wants to refer me to an endocrinologist. It took me by suprise for sure, as I was just expecting a dose increase. It also makes me nervous because I've talked with other women who have Hashimoto's and they say that most endocrinologist aren't the best at treating thyroid issues. I'm feeling a little stuck and not sure what to do, or if I'm going to get the help I need, so I would appreciate prayers. I'm hoping the doctor I'm going to see will be knowledgeable about Hashimoto's and be able to offer solutions. Regardless, its still disappointing that this is becoming more complex and won't be a quick fix like we had hoped. Hopefully there is a solution and I can get pregnant. I would so appreciate prayers for wisdom and peace. Sorry this isn't an encouraging post, I try to make sure I'm positive when posting,  but today just isn't the day. We are all human and have emotions, sometimes we struggle. I often need to have a good cry about it and just take a few days to sort through my feelings. It's so good to know I have friends praying for me.

I will update when I can, I'm supposed to make an appointment with the endocrinologist and hope to see my current doctor soon to ask some questions and figure out what is going on.

Finally Some Answers!

Sorry I haven't updated in so long, I have been so busy with work that I haven't had time for much else.

I want to forewarn you that this is a blog to help others with infertility, so if you don't want to read about womanly issues, you may want to stop here. I don't mean to be rude, but I do want to be real with people also. Being open and honest is the best way to help others.

So Bobby and I took a break from trying for quite awhile, I mean really, we were frustrated. After several years of no baby and no reason why it gets frustrating. I had always been so regular and honestly had never had the thought that I might have issues getting pregnant. After taking a break for quite awhile my friend Amber, who also struggled with infertility, told me about something called Mercier Therapy. She said there was a lady in Rogers, AR named Karen who did it and that it had a really high success rate of helping people with pcos, endometriosis, scar tissue, and a ton of others issues. I have always had horrible cramps for as long as I can remember, I wondered if it was endometriosis, but it can only be diagnosed with surgery. I really didnt want to have surgery, so i was hoping this could help. I called Karen and she told me she did free consultations, so I set up an appointment with her.

Bobby and I went to the consultation and both loved her. It was such a relaxing environment and she was very sweet. I set up my appointments with her over the next 6 weeks. After each appointment with Karen, I felt so much better. I used to have horrible period cramps, taking 4 ibuprofen every 4 hours and still being in pain for the first two days of my period. I dreaded if I started at work because I was miserable. After going to Karen, and the numerous months following Mercier Therapy, my cramps are pretty much nonexistent, no I'm not pregnant yet, but I also have others issues going on we just found out about a few months ago. Honestly though, to have relief from that pain was so worth it, I would cramp midcycle, several days before my period, and then really bad during my period. Now most of the time, I don't even notice I'm on my period! My friend Amber, had tried for several years to get pregnant (she has pcos) and was pregnant after just a few months of seeing Karen. It's been such a blessing to me to meet Karen. She has an amazing heart and truly wants to help others.

So...after seeing Karen she said everyone she had treated for infertilty had conceived within 6 months. When my friend Amber got pregnant after a few months of seeing her, I was thrilled for her, and myself..I was thinking anytime now it's gonna happen. Well, as you obviously know, it didn't happen in those 6 months. I remember talking to Karen when my cycle was all crazy and she asked me, are you sure you're ovulating? Several more months went by with some crazy cycles, and I remembered it was time for me to get a pap since I was long overdue for one. After going to fertility doctors so often I had gotten a little tired of it...so I kept putting off going for my pap. God has a perfect time for everything, and He has shown me answers when He is ready, not when I'm ready. This was another one of those times that God just worked out perfectly. Karen had told me she was concerned there may be some other issues we were missing, but we didn't know what. I was starting to feel hopeless again..ugh! So I booked my appointment with Stephanie Mallett in Harrison  with no intention of getting tests or answers, I was thinking maybe I just wasn't meant to have kids. God had others plans. Honestly I kinda felt like giving up. I have always wanted to be a mom, for as long as I can remember, and I know my husband would be the best dad ever, but it just wasn't working out..maybe I just needed to accept it. I've had those moments more than one time in the past four years, and God has always given me a reason to hope again. This time was no different.

I went for my appointment with Stephanie, and she already knew Bobby and I had issues with getting pregnant, she asked me if she could run some tests on me and I said sure. I honestly didn't think anything would come back abnormal, so I didn't think much more about it. Several days later I got a call from the nurse saying my thyroid labs had come back abnormal and I could come in that day to meet with Stephanie and she would talk to me about it.

Bobby and I went to see Stephanie that day and she told me I had an autoimmune thyroid disease called Hashimoto's Thyroiditis. What? Haha, I had never even heard of it, much less knew what it was, or how it could affect my fertility. Stephanie did an amazing job of explaining it to me, pretty much my body makes antibodies that attack my own thyroid, killing it off over time. I have struggled with cold hands and feet, low energy, heart palpitation, gaining weight easily, and several other issues for many years, but never knew what it was. Stephanie told me it was all related to my Hashimoto's. She also said it could cause hormonal problems, lack of ovulation, and a few others things that could definitely cause fertility issues and that this very well could be my issue. Finally after 4 years someone was giving me an answer to what could be the problem! She put me on Armour thyroid and said we would have to do monthly labs and adjust my dose to get it to the right amount...the Armour is suppose to help lower thyroid antibodies once you're on the right dose, and that's what our goal is. We want to lower my antibodies so my thyroid isn't being attacked, if it can function properly then I can conceive.

I've been on my medicine for several months and so far my antibodies have been going up, not down. So each month we increase my dose until we get to the right amount that lowers my antibodies and helps my symptoms. I actually will go tomorrow for more labs so would appreciate prayers that this month my levels will have dropped.

This morning at church our pastor read a verse and it really encouraged me..

Hebrews 5:8 "Though he were a Son, yet learned he obedience by the things which he suffered"

God has a plan for our suffering, He has a plan for my years of not having kids, to learn to obey Him, and to love Him. To have compassion on others, to have a tender heart, and to help my husband and I to grow closer. So I am thankful for the trial. I'm also thankful when I'm tempted to give up hope, God always sends me some encouragement

Our story...continued.

So I ended my last post with feeling like a crazy lady on Clomid. I'm sure some people may laugh at that statement, but anyone who's ever taken it for any length of time knows exactly what I mean!

People have the best intentions when giving advice, they really do. I'm doing this blog to help people with infertility, but also to help people who know someone with infertility. I could make a list of some of the horrible comments I've heard from others who were sincerely trying to help, even if it did more harm than good. But, the topic of  "just relax" and you will get pregnant came up with someone I was talking with the other day about her struggle with infertiliy so I'll just touch on that.

I said in my last post my husband and I quit trying for awhile, pretty much a whole year actually. Was it because I was tired of Clomid and no answers? Yes. But, have you ever heard that theory of if you tell someone something often enough they start to believe it? Well its true! I had heard so many times that I was too stressed, needed to relax and it would happen. The doctor couldn't tell me anything that was wrong so I started to think "what if they're right, its all just stress and I'm the problem?" My solution? Give up, and hope a positive pregnancy test appeared! After about a year of this I realized relaxation was not my problem!

What's my point in all this? Please, please don't say this to people. Even if you really believe that is their issue, try to
hold your tongue and help them to have less stress. Offer to take them out to lunch, buy them a massage, help them at their house, whatever it is to help relieve stress. Every time someone told me not to stress it had the opposite effect, I stressed even more about if I was stressing too much (crazy on Clomid, remember) Then I gave up looking for answers, I ignored symptoms that something was wrong with my body because I kept thinking, don't stress and it will happen! I know there are those few people who are stressed too much and once they relax they conceive, but that is very rare.

To the women with infertility who hear these comments I say try not to be offended. Most likely their advice is with the best intentions and they don't realize what they're saying. We can't expect someone who has never been through something to understand how it feels. I've never lost my husband or parent, I don't know how it feels and might say something I shouldn't without even thinking about it to someone who has been through that. I've learned people don't mean to hurt my feelings or make me uncomfortable, they want to help, but don't know what to say. It's awkward for them too. We just need to have love and grace towards one another.

I believe God has a perfect time for everything and He led me to the right people who could give me answers. I'm not upset that I gave up for a year, because I know it all happened according to God's plan.  I do wish I would have known what was wrong earlier in some ways, because it affects my health overall, not just fertility. But then I wouldn't have learned the many lessons I did along the way. I felt so discouraged that year, but I could've never truely comforted someone who is at that point of hopelessness if I hadn't been there myself. Now I can honestly tell those women, "I've been there, where it seems all hope is gone. It's ok to be sad, and you feel horrible, but it will end. God's grace IS sufficient!"

To end with a little humor, this made me laugh. I'm sure my dogs feel this way!!

Where to start?

I've been praying a lot about starting a blog, I really feel God has a purpose for everything and I think as someone who was chosen to struggle with infertility part of my purpose is to encourage others who may be struggling. I know putting part of your personal life out in public is a risk. People will be ugly, critical, but I think it's worth that risk. Infertility is a subject that isn't often talked about and so many people suffer through it without any support. Like I've told many women I've talked to with infertility, there isn't a horrible thought you've had that I haven't had something similiar. And it's ok, we are human, and far from perfect. It's normal to be sad, jealous, and upset at times. I can honestly admit I've cried and asked God why many times, but He always gives me a peace and calms my heart. It's ok to be upset, just don't stay that way, give it over to God and trust He knows best.

To start at the beginning, my husband and I decided before we got married we would leave it up to God to decide when we had kids. After one year of marriage and no kids, I didn't think much about it, as we got closer and closer to the two year mark I started to wonder what was going on. I had never imagined I would have trouble getting pregnant, in fact, I was terrified I might get pregnant on my honeymoon night. I remember having that conversation with a friend (I laugh to myself thinking about how wrong I was!) After a year and a half of not getting pregnant I went to the doctor. She couldn't find anything wrong with me or Bobby, she told me I needed to see someone with more knowledge, I went to another doctor. Still no answers, but they wanted us to try some infertility treatments. We did several, they didn't work, and I was tired of feeling like a crazy woman on Clomid. We decided to take a break from doctors and testing. We were both tired of it and still didn't have any answers to what was wrong.