I've been praying a lot about starting a blog, I really feel God has a purpose for everything and I think as someone who was chosen to struggle with infertility part of my purpose is to encourage others who may be struggling. I know putting part of your personal life out in public is a risk. People will be ugly, critical, but I think it's worth that risk. Infertility is a subject that isn't often talked about and so many people suffer through it without any support. Like I've told many women I've talked to with infertility, there isn't a horrible thought you've had that I haven't had something similiar. And it's ok, we are human, and far from perfect. It's normal to be sad, jealous, and upset at times. I can honestly admit I've cried and asked God why many times, but He always gives me a peace and calms my heart. It's ok to be upset, just don't stay that way, give it over to God and trust He knows best.
To start at the beginning, my husband and I decided before we got married we would leave it up to God to decide when we had kids. After one year of marriage and no kids, I didn't think much about it, as we got closer and closer to the two year mark I started to wonder what was going on. I had never imagined I would have trouble getting pregnant, in fact, I was terrified I might get pregnant on my honeymoon night. I remember having that conversation with a friend (I laugh to myself thinking about how wrong I was!) After a year and a half of not getting pregnant I went to the doctor. She couldn't find anything wrong with me or Bobby, she told me I needed to see someone with more knowledge, I went to another doctor. Still no answers, but they wanted us to try some infertility treatments. We did several, they didn't work, and I was tired of feeling like a crazy woman on Clomid. We decided to take a break from doctors and testing. We were both tired of it and still didn't have any answers to what was wrong.